"Looka Mama!", Bella said as she grew up at warp speed

It's been a really difficult past couple of weeks for me. But I don't want to post about that tonight.

I'm going to be positive and write more about how borderline obsessed I am with my baby (ies). I'll write about how much Bella is growing up.

How she's saying new things everyday that either break my heart or crack me up.

(Speaking of cracking me up...)

How she loves to play and love her baby sister already. She blows bubbles at my tummy and laughs like it's the funniest thing she's experienced yet in her 2 years of life.

She wants to kiss my belly often and has a sweet little smile as she leans in for the kiss. She loves to run up at random times and tickle my belly, too. She likes to talk about her sister and we like to joke about how silly baby is already.

Today she actually saw baby kick twice and I wish I could put her reaction into words better than I know I will. After the first kick, she quickly looked at me with a surprised expression, like she was asking, "Was that supposed to happen??" then we watched again and after baby kicked a second time, she laughed and said, "See Baabaa!" (She wanted Baabaa to see.) So she ran to her room to get Baabaa, but sadly baby stopped kicking after that so Baabaa didn't get to see this time. I'm so glad Bella got to experience that though. I have no idea what she thinks about it. Surprisingly, the whole pregnancy doesn't seem too terribly puzzling to her. She very quickly accepted the idea that there was a baby in my belly even before I was showing. Let alone that she's in there kicking around.
She has remarkable manners that seemed to have developed themselves overnight; I'm totally amazed most of the time. She's quick to say sorry - even through tears as I'm getting onto her for being naughty. I'll accidentally bump her head and say, "Oh, sorry baby." and she'll usually respond, "Sorry, too, Mama." I explain that she doesn't need to be sorry but I don't think she really pays attention to that part.

I see this little lady in her more and more and it brings me to tears at times.

And no, that's not just the hormones. She's hit a point that most people must be referring to when they longingly say, "They grow up so fast". She's hit an all time record of speed now.

I mean, she's basically potty trained. WHAT?? I have to say that again, but in bold: She's potty trained. She only wears diapers when she sleeps and has no accidents during the day. We even ran errands this morning and she wore her underwear the whole time. Damn, I am so proud of that girl I have to swear.
She's also grasping and sharing emotions more now. She will tell you when she's happy, sad or mad. It's fantastic! She's communicating! No more random fits where I'm rattling off unanswered questions like a turret gun. What's funny is she sees "happy" and "sleepy" as opposites. Conversations about bedtime a lot of times go like,
"Bella, it's time to get ready to read a book and lay down."
"No bed. Me happy" (she says with a smile and her head cocked to the side - she's really good at selling the "no bed time" idea with that pitch.) 
"You can be happy and sleepy, honey"
"No, me happy. No sleepy."
And eventually when we're heading upstairs to bed, she sighs and says, "Me sad. No bed."
Oh, my dearest.

Her love of the moon also totally breaks my heart. I may have already mentioned this in another post, but one night a few weeks ago she was asking to sleep with the light on so that the moon could see her as she slept.
Melt. My. Heart.
Tonight she talked to the moon and even called to it to come to her the way we call to our cats.
  "Come hewe, boon! PSS PSS!"

Update on Little Baby: She is almost ALWAYS moving and kicking! She is way more active than I remember Bella being! It makes me a little nervous, I'll be honest. Does this mean she is going to be up at all hours of the night? Have ADHD? Be colicky? You know, all the insane tangents pregnant brains go on. But more than that I'm happy to always know she's healthy and strong already. At my 23 week appointment the nurse had the little doppler to my belly to listen for her heartbeat and she kicked the microphone directly two times. The nurse looked at me and said, "Those are some really strong kicks for only being 23 weeks!" I wasn't even surprised to hear her say that. My response was, "Tell me about it!" I'm almost 26 weeks now and I'm wondering how her movements are going to change as she gets bigger. Will they be less frequent and fierce as her space gets more and more cramped? Or will she be karate chopping her way out? I guess we'll see!

It's refreshing how much more ready we feel this time around. You know, most of the time. I still have my panic moments of WHAT AM I THINKING?! But most of the time, we're truly excited to add a new little baby into the mix. Imagining how different our lives will be and anticipating the big sister Bella will be is actually really exciting. (Most of the time) The rest of the time is spent worrying about our daily routine, doing this on my own while Palmer is at work, already mourning the presumed loss of sleep and whether I can be a good mom to more than one child.

A good mom. It's the most intimidating thing I've ever had to live up to. And it's nearly impossible. But these little girls deserve my every ounce of effort.

Winning recipes of the last week

I only made one new dinner recipe last week but it was better than I anticipated it to be. It was filling and really easy, I mean easy like - wrap up chicken, stuffing and a veggie with foil and bake it - easy.

The Recipe

I didn't have the broccoli it called for so I used spinach which still turned out well. It wasn't the best thing I've ever had, but what can go wrong with chicken and stuffing??

The other recipes I tried this week were for breakfasts and snacks but hands down were my favorites!
First up, Breakfasts:
I tried Pancake Squares first. BAKED pancakes. I know, really sketch, but they turned out much better than my pancakes on a griddle ever turn out.

The Recipe

I would suggest adding a little bit of vanilla extract to the batter, but other than that I was really happy with them. Bella asked for thirds...that says enough!

This morning we made "Puffins" - (a cute word for pancake muffins). I am tempted to package them up and sell them - they were fantastic. And I am a self proclaimed TERRIBLE baker.

The Recipe

I added butterscotch chips to them which is HIGHLY recommended!

Now for snacks:
I hosted a Pampered Chef party this last week that I had made two different snacks for. First I made, oh I wish I could find another name for them, Pretzel Hugs.

The Recipe

They tasted like chocolate covered pretzels but were easier and less messy. Glorious.

I also made a White Pizza Dip which by itself probably equaled my calorie limit for the week...but was amazing so I didn't care about that for very long.

The Recipe

Aaaand you're welcome!

I've been looking forward to fall until...

I started seeing pictures of what is "in style this fall"! Literal oversized grandmother sweaters with collars and prints that look good on only 10% of the population of the world. More prints and patterns found on pants (which I remembered Clinton and Stacy from What Not To Wear scolding people for) and blouses that have been met with revulsion until a cute model wears it under a headline that reads "What's Hot!".

(Comments on this picture most favored the sweater, which reminds me of something from Napoleon Dynamite)

Wait...my mom had this chain print on several garments in the early 90's. I bet she regrets giving those to Goodwill all those years ago.

It's why I can't take fashion as seriously as I used to. I love fashion in general and experimenting in style. I love seeing artists take clothing and make it more and make it beautiful. I love what fashion has done for my self esteem on the worst of days. Who needs a fairy godmother when you have an astounding ensemble?

I guess it's more "trends" that end up frustrating me. How something that is a total "fashion no-no" can turn out being the "Fall Look" if you wait it out long enough. How wearing something that people can look down on you for can later cost everyone else quadruple the amount to replicate because it's what's on the mannequin at H&M or Forever 21. 

I wish I had saved it, but I couldn't help but take a picture of a mannequin from Forever 21 that astounded me. It was adorned with a white winged (meaning the middle of the sleeve connected to the torso at the waist, I don't know a proper word for it) shirt that had 6" long fringe running the span of the "wing". Worn over it were denim overall shorts. 

(This but without the floral print)

WHAT?! 

Demin overalls have been made fun of for the past 10 years. 

These guys were the last ones I remember wearing overalls when it was only borderline okay.

 GIANT FRINGE has not been okay for the past 20 years, so I understood. But if I knew anything about anything, I should have been prancing in there to pay $80 for it. I am probably just fashion stupid or completely unstylish, but I'm finding this stuff more and more ridiculous as the seasons come and go. I went from confused at the 80's zipper stuff from 2 years ago to angry about collared penguin sweaters.

*EDIT: I found the picture!!

(...)

I do NOT mean this to be offensive or mean! If you happen to be reading this and love the idea of wearing overall shorts, that's wonderful. I'll bet you wear them really well. If you have a Peter Pan collared sweatshirt you've been wearing around since 1986, that's wonderful too. If you bought a Peter Pan collared sweatshirt 2 weeks ago because the mannequin was wearing it and you liked it, great. I absolutely don't think any differently of anyone who follows any trend, no matter how ridiculous I think it is. I just had to point out, well, how ridiculous I'm finding them. Just please don't think less of me when I'm still wearing stuff with birds on them and vintagey finds when they're no longer cool. I had vintage purple heels with painted on birds and lyrics to a Bright Eyes song before it was cool. (Why yes, I truly am/was that hipster.)

(I was also wearing zipper legged pants and oversized nature t-shirts all through elementary school. I have mixed feelings about that fact, but there it is.) 

My love/hate relationship with fashion continues into this fall. So while the stylish portion of the population enjoys the fall festivals with patterned and printed butts, I'll be in my jeans and sweater from 2 seasons ago I still love. And either way, as long as you feel great in what you're wearing, it's all good. 

Just know I'll probably be staring wide eyed at your geometric butt. 

"No. Big girl."

Bella is talking more and more and more and it totally blows my mind when I take the time to think about it, which is frequent. 

I had asked Bella to head upstairs and open the door to check on Emmett, which she loves to do, while I finished doing whatever I was doing at the end of naptime. 

She lovesto be the one to go get him. A) I think it makes her feel like a Mama/Big girl and B) She loves waking her friend up to play. 

She opened the door and I heard happy jabbering and the door close behind her, which is normally fine but I make sure to go up and check on them within a couple of minutes. I opened the door and she was in the pack and play with Emmett (yes, she climbed in!) and she was saying "Hide! Hide!" and nudging Emmett to lay down as they both laughed. Adorable, right?

"Hide! Hide!"

 I played along and hid around the door frame and peeked out at them and after a couple of times Bella says,

"Way, Mama."
"Play?"
"No."
"Way...you want me to go away?"
"Yes."
"...well. Uh, can you say.....um....please?"

How do you remind your toddler to be polite in asking me to go away?? She reached a point a few months ago where she knew when she just wanted to be alone, which I remember smiling and thinking how grown up she was getting as she slammed the door. When she vocally asked me for space, it was different. My baby is not going to need me or want me that much longer. (I mean, when you look at time in it's entirety, 5 more years out of 80ish is not much longer.) It's not that she hurt my feelings or anything. With my mouth open in surprise I agreed and then quickly texted Palmer about what she had just said with smiling emoticons.

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While she was sitting on the potty daddy was sitting on the ground next to her talking to her about both of their days. Bella's day was less exciting than normal thanks to her Mama's ever growing and uncomfortable belly. So she talked about watching a few shows and playing with Emmett. Daddy told her about how he was working on a picture to send out to everybody in town and how it was hard work. (He creates the mailer that our church sends out to everyone a couple of times a year.) He also told her about how he has to give a talk at church on Sunday.

"I have to get up in front of a lot of people and talk about things. Grandma will be there, and Grandpa, and Emmett's mama, Emmett's daddy and a lot of other people. It's a little bit scary."
"No scawe, Dada. Nice peepo." (No scared, Dada. Nice people.")
"The people are nice so I shouldn't be scared?"
"Yeah, Dada."

Wise words, sweet girl.

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We went to McDonalds first thing this morning to celebrate her earning her Big 5 Reward for earning 5 potty stickers. We were there from 8:15am until 11am. I think it goes without saying, but I am play placed out!

While we were there she asked me for a tissue so I showed her where the napkin dispenser was. She got a napkin, successfully cleared her nose and threw it in the trash can by herself. I said, "Great job, baby!" which Bella replied with, "No. Big girl."

My gosh. She is a big girl. I've been looking forward to her getting older and experiencing all of these awesome and fun kid things, like the play place and amusement parks and family vacations and Christmas and school and art projects, (and no diapers!) etc. And her big girl talking! The conversations we will have are something I look forward to so much! Already she's saying the most sweet and amazing things.
Ex: tonight she wanted to sleep with her bedroom light on so that the moon could see her.

I get to see who she is better through her words and I get to know this amazing little person better. The inner workings of her mind are fascinating and heartbreaking. And i get to know it better each day! 

But that means my baby is no more. I'll never have that little Bella I can hold in my arms. Who I can tap her booty when I change her diaper. Whose best friend in the world is Baabaa, her stuffed sheep. It's the epitome of bittersweet. As I write this it is the first time I have unwillingly cried about it. I've never cried about the idea of my kids growing up until right now, when I heard Bella tell her daddy that she wanted the moon to see her as she slept. 

Parenthood will and should break your heart. In the absolute best way possible. 

Potty Training Day 2

Bella's already filled one row of stickers!! YES! My girl is kicking butt!!

That is 5 STICKERS! 5 times going pee in the potty! With only 2 accidents! 

That means tomorrow morning we go to McDonalds for breakfast and to play at the playplace. :) I really didn't like that she earned her Big 5 Reward right before bedtime because she couldn't actually see the reward until tomorrow but we tried to still make a really big deal about it before bed. Hopefully she's excited about it tomorrow and the progress continues! High fives all around!

Now the next obstacles I'm looking over are how to get her to poop in the potty and how to get to her to stay dry during the night. I know I'm TOTALLY jumping (another big and scary) gun with that one and that those are things that I have time to worry about later. Those are ideas that make absolutely no sense to me. First thing's first, though.

Big, Scary, Ugly Words - Like Potty Training

Potty training is a scary, scary word. And yes, it should just be one word. One bad word. It's terribly intimidating! I was the weirdo who was worrying about it while pregnant with my first baby. How on earth is it done without everybody melting down into a mess of...our own messes?

I bought the potty chair when Bella was about 18 months and collected what potty books I could. She's got the idea and it's been very intriguing to her until about 4 months ago. I thought surely introducing the potty chair early and getting more serious when that very first sign or two had shown themselves would give me a head start. We talked about it at least once a day and we were always soooo excited about the potty. We were hoping our oozing excitement for pooping in the potty would become so apparent she would decide, 'why yes, I'm going to poop in the potty from now on'.

Nope. She's peed in the potty a few times and our mistake was doing what all the lists and articles said to do, which was get REALLY excited. She's a funny girl; she doesn't normally like a spot light being shown on something she does. An art project, a new word, how high she can jump, anything I ask her to show off for someone else is normally met with a very bashful Bella. I totally respect that and understand it. It does get a little frustrating when you want her to show daddy how ADORABLE it is when she dances to our new song with motions, but I have to remember how embarrassing it is to sometimes be put on the spot. And in some cases, she would get so bashful it would make her upset. And our loud cheering for her pee pee in the potty was one of those moments. On the verge of tears she wanted OFF that potty! She got a Dora sticker and her marshmallow, as promised, but had no interest in going through THAT again. (I should add she pooped in the potty once on accident. For that she got several marshmallows but cheering was also the wrong thing to do.)

So within the past two months we've been really trying to be serious about this. She totally gets it. She's totally able. She just flat out doesn't want to use the potty. I ask her happily, 'Do you want to sit on the potty?' which has now turned into, ' Let's go sit on the potty, sweety!' which Bella responds to with a near emotional meltdown.We read as many books as she wants to and she watches her shows on it only to have her get up to pee on the floor in the next room. After so long it's hard not to get very frustrated. I do my darndest to not let it show, though - I know that would make things worse.

 So we've come to a stale mate. I'm doing "research" on Pinterest but I've not found anything to help me potty train my girl with the will of steel. I can't force her onto the potty, that would be traumatic. So my next idea is to form a sticker chart system. She has loved having a chore token system so I'm hoping that introducing something similar will make her feel responsible and empowered. She's definitely a girl that needs to feel like she has control of something and I strongly believe this is something that she needs to be in control of. So hopefully making a system that empowers her to use the potty will help.

I've also promised a trip to Disney World. Who wouldn't give up diapers for that??

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Day 1 of our potty sticker chart: "baby peepee" =  A small success!!! 

This is the potty chart I came up with. It's not nearly as neat and cute as it was in my head, as most things I make turn out, but it worked! (...once)

The idea is that with every time that she goes pee pee or poo poo in the potty she gets a sticker to put on her chart as well as a treat. I was a little overwhelmed with the treat options but I decided her treat options would be either a fruit snack or marshmallow (and the treat is doubled if she can poop in the potty!) A bag of marshmallows and a package of fruit snacks are clipped up next to the chart as a reminder. 

When she gets 5 stickers she gets a BIG treat, which right now is either a trip to the McDonalds with the playplace or ice cream. She gets to choose which big treat she wants by seeing the picture of her options. It was much harder than I anticipated coming up with a great end reward that was inexpensive (preferably free) that she would consistently be interested in or that I can actually promise her. For instance, we went to an inflatable play place last night that I thought would be a great 5 sticker potty reward but they're not open consistently enough for it to work. She would end up having to potentially wait 2 weeks until their next open play to actually see the reward and that can't easily make sense to a toddler. I thought about a trip to the playground being an option also, but what if the weather is bad? I'm still brainstorming better ideas for an end reward, but for now this will work.

She visited the potty every 20 minutes and read one book each time while I had the faucet running next to her. By the 3rd time, it was difficult to get her to follow our rule of sitting on the potty when the timer went off and for some silly reason, all patience I had was hanging on by a thread. The potential I saw was drained completely as she sat on the couch, crying and telling me no potty. I did finally get her to sit on the big potty which, again, led me to believe that she just needs to be given choices in as many different situations as possible. She happily sat for almost 10 minutes and....

...ta da!! She peed! Once! A baby pee pee, as she called it! In the potty! And you know what made all the difference? We didn't squeal and freak out with excitement! Daddy was the one who was in there with her when she was done and he started to say, "Bella! You peed!!" which then made her shrug her shoulders, look down at her feet and 

whine. Daddy realized what was happening and very quickly dropped his tone down to normal level and said, "Great job, Isabella. I am so proud of you. You went pee pee in the potty. High five, baby girl." She smiled and high fived him and, I swear it's the hormones, I fought back tears as I showed her what sticker options she had for her chart. 

She chose a marshmallow treat and happily ate it while in the next room Palmer exploded with enthusiastic praise for the sticker chart. I couldn't not cry anymore, which I felt silly about. But you know what? This is a daunting task. And there are too many "defeats" in parenting. And the day of our first trying it out Bella did it. We all did it. And Palmer was so proud of me - so it's ok to cry.

 Let's hope I'm still crying for that reason by the end of day one...

My big girl pretending to read a recipe for me. :)

Winning recipes from the week

This was a week of very successful new recipes and even a favorite from last week!

While Palmer and the staff were in North Carolina, I stayed with my parents so I could get a slight break and so Bella could have a fun weekend with Nana and Papa.

 I made these enchiladas again for us all to have and my parents also commented several times on how good they were. They even echoed a comment I had made that they were better than most enchiladas I've ordered in a restaurant! This is not at all to say how great of a cook I am, just to state that if you're looking for a good enchilada recipe, this is it.

The Recipe

And this recipe WAS toddler approved!

I also made these Crispy Southwest Chicken Wraps and they were also really good. I actually made them twice because I had extra tortillas and both times they were a little different. That's something I love in a recipe though - when you can make as many variations as you can think of. The first time I only added the cilantro and lemon juice to the rice so it had the light flavor of Chipotle's rice (uh, YES PLEASE!) and skipped adding the chili powder and cumin. It was a little more bland that way but with salsa it was great.
The next time I made it I added all of the spices it called for and it was just as good, just had a slight kick to it. I don't like things that are spicy and adding the chili powder didn't make it too spicy for Bella or I. I also added lettuce into the crap trying to mimic a Chipotle burrito (I love the fresh and cold crisp of the lettuce in their burritos) but it didn't turn out the way I had liked it too. Next time I'll try just adding the lettuce to the top.

The Recipe

I can't say this one was approved by my toddler because she's a little finicky when it comes to toasted breads. She ate part of the chicken contents once, the other time it was a chore to get her to try it. It's a great family dinner recipe though, in my opinion, so I'll be making it again whether she likes it or not. :)

Finally, we tried a Honey Butter Pork Tenderloin recipe I found on Pinterest. Palmer's parents came over for dinner and it turned out to be a great recipe to make for visiting company. It was really very easy yet tasted like it wasn't. My only complaint was that it didn't easily feed the 4 1/2 of us (4 adults plus Bella) so if I make it again I may try to buy a bigger pork tenderloin or make two of them.

The Recipe

This was DEFINITELY toddler approved! Bella had seconds, which is very unusual for her when we're not having macaroni and cheese!

I also tried a potato salad recipe to go with the tenderloin and I didn't care for it at all. Palmer and his parents said they really liked it, however. I decided to post the recipe in case anyone else wants to try it. I love potato salad and I guess am very picky about the way I like it. That's why I thought I would post the recipe because maybe someone will try it and love the sweetness of it, which were what I didn't like.

The Recipe